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Posts Tagged ‘Happiness’

2.25

 

Today’s reading is about knowing what you want and how to get it. Sometimes you simply have to walk away from those things that are oppressing you so that you may find your Fortune!

With Mercury in Retrograde, the full moon tonight and the 2 Major Arcana cards in this reading, it is clear that there will be a lot of life lessons coming up for us all. Knowledge is power and that begins with knowing what you really want and not accepting anything less…. Now is the time to make the list of your deepest hearts desires. Do not be fooled by cheap imitations… just because it has a pretty package, does not mean it is good on the inside! And if you find that it is not good on the inside, have the strength to walk away, knowing that you are walking towards all that you truly deserve! Your fortune is there but in order for you to find it, simply recognize what you want for your life and walk towards it. I keep hearing the Eagles song, “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device”…. But you do have the key! Unlock yourself from all that does not truly serve you or where you are going!

Because we have a full moon, now is the time to clearly send the universe a message of what you want! Be specific and allow yourself to day dream a little!

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What do you think of when you see this sign? Do you react differently, more respectfully? I know that I do… I want to protect the valuable contents that is wrapped in the package….When most people see the warning “Fragile”, they take extra precautions, knowing or at the very least hoping, that a true prize is hidden behind this sticker…  What we often forget is that our body is our packaging and that inside we are a priceless, fragile, breakable and EXTREMELY valuable! Not just some of us…. ALL OF US! We are all dealing with our own internal issues and at the same time dealing with every day life. Life can be traumatizing and painful but at the same time full of valuable lessons about our self and others…  The trauma can make us forget how precious truly living life can be!

Last week I was chatting with a new acquaintance about people being pushed to their limits  and how freeing it could be when someone just lets go and accepts more than they thought they were capable of accepting. This statement sent an ice cold rod of fear straight down the center of my very being.  It forced me to look at my inner self and I did not like what I saw! I was not pushing myself to any limits… I was guarding and protecting myself for fear that if anything in my world changed a hair that the priceless and extremely valuable glass vase inside myself, that is already cracked and traumatized  would completely shatter and I would be left on the floor in absolute pieces again…

Just like everyone else, I have been a package that was kicked around. Someone had shaken and cracked the precious cargo within never understanding how priceless the contents inside were. Never understanding the damage they were creating…. Leaving me to pick up the pieces and put myself back together. However, I have forgotten a very important element until that conversation… and that is gluing the cracks and sanding down the rough edges, filling in the remaining fractures with love, peace and happiness and making my vase solid again… Allowing my vase to hold love again… Knowing that the fractures and the cracks are the limits that I have already pushed myself to and in that statement is pure FREEDOM! My friend was correct…. there is Freedom in pushing yourself to the limits even when you are not sure what those limits are! There are priceless lessons in knowing your own worth and this conversation reminded me of mine!

It would be so easy if we all had this Fragile sticker posted above our heart as a reminder that at the center of our authentic self we just want someone to look at us and realize exactly how priceless, valuable and fragile we truly are and handle us with love and care.

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March 6th 2011… The day that an emotional tornado ripped through my life leaving it virtually unrecognizable. I don’t know how I have made it through this year. But here I am staring this day in the face daring it to rain on my parade! I feel like Captain Dan from Forest Gump… Sitting on the mask of the shrimping boat yelling, “Come and Get me… I’M RIGHT HERE”! And I add…. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU!!! But I know that the tornado has passed and I am ready for smooth sailing! How do I know… Spirit told me that I just had to hold on until March… Well, its March… *happy dancing*

I thought I had the world in my hands… 2 beautiful kids, 2 dogs, a house that I had made a home and a husband that I thought adored his family…I was starting the business that I had always dreamed of opening, had a ton of good friends, loving family and a very healthy client base… So I thought!  That tornado ripped away parts of my life that I was sure were securely rooted and always would be. It turned out that the storm that ripped my world apart had several cells that would pop up every few weeks and destroy any progress I had made. By the end of the storm, I had lost my mother, sister, friends, grandparents and husband. It seemed that the levels of betrayal would never end. This story is not to describe the events of the storm, the story is to describe the rebuilding process and what I have learned about myself.

I still cry almost every night. I am still healing. I cry for me, for all the years I lost because I didn’t know how to do it different. But this is what I have learned about myself and the people around me.

You see… EVERYTHING that happened to me, I had allowed to happen. Of course not consciously but  I had allowed my mother to emotionally abuse and manipulate me for years.She attached labels to me that she should have taken and destroyed…Horrible labels that should never have been attached to me. Sins of a mother that the child had nothing to do with..So of course when I married, I unconsciously carried the weigh of this abuse and labels into my marriage. I allowed my husband to use me as a screen so that it looked as if he had the perfect life… It was all lies! And the tornado shattered them all! Thank you God!

You may ask yourself why I didn’t see it coming if I am a psychic medium…. Well the answer is simple…. I would have tried to stop it. No one wants a storm of this magnitude to rip their safety and security away. I had valuable lessons to learn that would not have been learned if I my safe and secure life had not been disrupted.

So what do I now know about myself? I know that silently and desperately I called for this tornado! I ask for a more substantial life. I ask for more love and to have only people that valued me…. Well, obviously my mother and husband did not value me. If they had, the tornado could have never ripped them away.  Ironically, neither of them wanted to be out of my life and they have used their same manipulative strategies to try to stay in my life. Problem is that I recognize them now and don’t fall for it. I didn’t know how to change it but I do now! *well lets say I am still working on it…* I am learning how difficult it is to change deeply ingrained patterns of behavior. I have learned to recognize it! So that’s a start!

Before the tornadoes, whenever I would look at my life I would see the same old same old… Now, I see a blank canvas of possibilities. I am free of their baggage and free of their abuse! And now that my hands are not full of their crap, I am liberated… Like a prisoner released early! All I see are blue skies!!! And I am ready to grab every ounce of life and opportunity that flows my way!!!

I have learned to FEEL again instead of listening to bullshit words that people spew all the time. I feel the vibrations of the words as truths or lies again!!! (Truth is, I knew they were all lying to me, but I chose to believe their words instead of my feeling.) And it is an amazing feeling to remember this feeling! I am still “remembering” and I don’t always get it right, but I trust my intuition again. HUGE!!! I trust ME AGAIN….ENORMOUS!

Everyday I am learning more and more about me… and I love it! There is so much that I had forgotten about me that I am discovering! And little by little, everyday, I am forgiving those that have betrayed me. I will forgive them for me and bless them on their path knowing that they will get exactly what they deserve without any help from me. I pray that they have learned their lessons also and choose to walk a better path but either way, I bless them for the lessons that they have taught me.

I forgot the best lesson that I have learned… I have learned how to be open and vulnerable again… To live with my heart wide open and experience life with every part of my Body, Mind and Spirit… I have lived through the worse that could ever happen to anyone… Nothing can ever ever ever be as bad as this… I have nothing to fear but fear itself!

The moral of this story is that even though a tornado has blown through your life and destroyed it beyond recognition, it can be a good thing if you allow it to be. Because only after everything has been torn down can you rebuild the REAL life that you want with the REAL people that deserve your love! Don’t ever ever ever settle for less than you deserve!

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